Know thyself from the world’s eye!!!

It was a fashion, actually it still is and shall always remain.. knowing yourself from the eyes of  other people.. The most mundane form being slam books or scrap books that we get scribbled by our peers while passing out of schools/colleges. The manifestations and packaging might have changed with the advent of the revolutionary Orkut and its successors (‘Testimonals’ are the in thing now) but the sentiment remains the same. We are almost too conscious about what would others think about us? Or what kind of an opinion others hold about us.? Does public opinion matters that much to me?? How does it affect me? I am what I am and it doesn’t matter if he/she despises trait A in me or he/she adores trait Z of mine.

If such is the case then why am I always so anticipative about public opinion? Actually knowingly or unknowingly we know very little about ourselves. We might be pretentious that we know everything about ourselves but the fact is that we at most times either overestimate ourselves or underrate our potential.. Successful chunk of the people are the ones who under right frame of time have either capitalized upon their core strengths or gone that extra mile to extenuate their identified weaknesses..

Always following the vogue & out of sheer curiosity, I also used to get my slam books filled by friends and fellow mates. While most of them again followed the vogue and wrote the most common things about me as – a great dancer, good English, good orator, all rounder blah blah.. only few would have wrote something genuine which I might have overlooked at that juncture of time but of late have registered that & agreed with.

I reminisce one of the remarks that I had received from a colleague few years back that the best thing about your character is your energy Meter. Always keep that on a high! The words would not be exact but the connotation is!! She might not be the best of friends but it doesn’t take only a best friend to watch the real self in you!! Now that’s what I call knowing yourself from the world’s eye! People observe others, and sometimes observe with a bird’s eye view! Sometimes they can be critical, sarcastic, sardonic, and unbearable as well. But there would also be times when they make sense and highlight pertinent attributes.

So many years down the line I realize that how true her statement about me was.. I am on a high when my energy level is high and I am brimming with vigour and exuberance. Happiness is a by product then.. And likewise a low energy level lets that vicious feeling of being a worthless soul sink in.. The result -> negativity surrounds me and melancholy becomes an accomplice.. And any petty incident can lead to an ocean of tears!!

Poor mind flabbergasts with outburst of weird emotions & I become hapless!

But even that doesn’t lasts for long like any other natural storm. It besets havoc, erodes my confidence and walks away silently rendering a depressed soul at the end. But again this is just a passing fad & so it passes on & life moves on.

How many of you actually know about your true strengths and weaknesses?? Yeah that’s the most dreaded (and despised ~ FOR ME) question that each one of us might have faced one time or the other in any HR interview. I sometimes wonder whether these suave and polished HR people actually know about their own strengths and weaknesses. ( no offence meant pls to the esteemed community ;) Even more perplexing is the fact that professional grooming centers, finishing schools, interview trainers and the likes insist upon stating a weakness that can actually be portrayed or highlighted as one’s strength. Phew! I am still not able to relate to this concept. Who is trying to fool who in this entire process is still a million dollar question for me though?

 I am short tempered but I can’t say that I am short tempered. I am a lazy bone but that would give a wrong impression. And so I have to fake it so that the person on the other side of the table appreciates it else you can get screwed up. So I actually don’t try to explore my inner self in the process! I take the clichéd route, just fake it dude! Something like - “When I get involved while working over something, I become soooooo engrossed that I tend to neglect my personal life!!” Now that’s what you call ‘True Lies!”

So in short the quest, the pursuit to know the “real me” continues and it finds respite at various halts and destinations. Like the other day in my office a colleague circulated a link  on the internet which first prompted you to answer certain questions as to how would you react in a particular situation.

 For instance “ How do you react while being in a group? ”

And the answer options were:

a) Leader

b) Attention Seeker

c) You try to be involved

d) You don’t care

e) You go unnoticed etc.

My reply was c) You try to be involved

[I will come back to the evaluation of this question later. ]

Based on all your responses to the various questions asked, you will get an output that what kind of a person are you. The categories were something like– owl, panther, peacock, etc where each one symbolized different characteristic traits. I got peacock. But the lady next to me had already announced “Shivani should get a Panther”. I was never sure though. But when we compared the replies I actually found my replies as a mix of peacock and panther.. 

Coming back to the answer of the question above, I was really surprised when the evaluation answer came as b) Attention Seeker for me , as I never try to grab attention. So to that,  my colleague said ‘you don’t try that voluntarily but you gradually grab attention when you start speaking and sharing your opinion in a group’. In the end I actually quite agreed with what my colleague had already observed about me though never contemplated over the same.

Let’s come to another clichéd question:  “Tell me something about yourself”. Sounds familiar??  And even after answering it over a 150 times, we still start stammering “ umm umm.. I am Sam. I am a grad in economics. Umm.. I hail from the city that never sleeps, Mumbai. Aannn.. I enjoy dancing, singing, biking.. blah blah.. “

On the contrary when it comes to introducing a pal of yours you are always at ease and more than ready. The reason being you are not conscious at that time. Achievements or shortcomings whatever it be, they don’t belong to you nor does the pride or embarrassment that follows.

When you introduce or tell something about yourself you just want to boast all the great things about yourself. The coolness factor you have or how witty you are or what a champ you were in basketball in college, or how exemplary you were in academics in school. But what if you had none of these stupendous accomplishments to brag about? Or do I need to possess a quantifiable feat under by belt to survive with dignity?

My stance on that is - Every person is special in his / her own special way. (No, I have not stolen the punch line of tare Zameen par :P )

It’s just about realization! Realizing that ‘something special’ within you; happens to be the true essence of a content life. You might not possess the oomph to set all eyes popping and guys drooling at you the moment you walk by but you might surely have the goodness of heart and purity of soul that emanates true cheer in the ambience and lifts the spirits of people around you!

Still baffled?? Still contemplating who you are? Think mate think! You gotto explore urself ! And this time round from you own eyes! Gyaan already overflowing? Okie I surrender here then!  

                 Happy Soul Searching and a Very Happy New Year to all !! :)